What's that you say?

Today, I came across this quote from an ESPN.com article about the 1972 Miami Dolphins when I saw this quote from defensive lineman Manny Fernandez (no, not the former Minnesota Wild goalie).

--"I can't tell you [stories] without causing a whole lot of divorces," Fernandez says. "Lets just say the Beatles didn't have anything on us."

Fernandez is referring to how the 1972 Dolphins acted back in the day. He later goes on to say "Life was good. It was like being a rock star."

I thought those were funny quotes, which got me thinking about other funny quotes I've come across. Here's a few of my favorite. Feel free to add yours in the comments.

--"My main objective is to be professional but to kill him."-Mike Tyson on Lennox Lewis.

--"Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck."-Don Schula

--"Because empty net goals are for faggots."-Al Iafrate when asked why he simply shot the puck down the ice instead of scoring on an open net.

--"If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?"-Vince Lombardi

That's all I can think of for now. What are some of your favorites?
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Also check out this great article over at cracked.com about the most ridiculous sports team names. Pretty good stuff.

Chris Simon will kill you

Here's some things I found interesting while cruising the net today.

Chris Simon earns the longest suspension in NHL history, again.

Here's the clip below:



You can clearly see Simon stepping on Jarko Rutuu as he's getting on the bench...and he totally thinks he's getting away with it....NOPE.

Yep for that, Simon broke his own record, which was 25 games for what this smooth move he pulled last year:



Chris Simon knows how to hurt people. If you don't watch out, he will come to your home and hurt you. That's for sure. He's the same guy who called Mike Grier (who is black) a monkey when he played for the Capitals. What a class act.

Word is, he's leaving the NHL to get "help". I hope "help" is another word for severe anger management.

Just for kicks, here's a video of Rick Tocchet welcoming Simon to the NHL.



In other news, Curt Schilling has another opinion. Schilling thinks Roger Clemens should give back his Cy Young awards if he can't prove he didn't do steroids. I agree, but I also wonder if Curt is ever tired of hearing himself talk.

Speaking of the Red Sox, Jonathan Papelbon's dog ate his homework..err a piece of history. "Boss," Papelbon's dog, ate part of the baseball that Jason Varitek gave the closer after he struck out Seth Smith to end the World Series. No report if "Boss" is a code name for David Wells.

Apparently, Bill Parcells thinks football still cares about him. Now he's going to be the Dolphins Vice President of Football operations. Man, look at how crappy the Cowboys are doing post-Parcells. I can only imagine how far down the tube Miami will go next season.

What happened?

What does the Mitchell Report mean?

...because I think it pretty much means nothing.

What did it reveal that we all didn't know, or have our suspicions of? That baseball had a rampant drug problem? Check. That guys were using steroids to save their careers? Check. That owners, front office, players, agents, reporters and fans all knew about it? Check.

Sure, we learned some specific names and specific cases, but really, who cares if David Segui, or Glenalan Hill took steroids? Really, in my mind, you might as well just write off the last decade or so, because they'll never know who did them or who didn't do them.

We also got some new names-Roger Clemens, Andy Pettite, Mo Vaughn, etc., etc. But were you really surprised?

Truthfully, what's your first reaction when you see someone in sports do something incredible?

I'd guess some might say "oh, he's on the juice."

How far we've fallen.

How long will it take before we start believing what we're seeing again? How long before we can stop looking at these men as suspects rather than athletes? How long before an incredible performance is met with amazement rather than indifference?

The "Wide" World of Sports

Watching fat guys succeed at sports is amusing. That's why I put together this list of great fat athletes. Enjoy.


David Wells, baseball
-Wells has admitted to being drunk when he pitched his perfect game for the Yankees, which is awesome. Wells looks more like the guy you see at the bar destroying the free food more than a professional athlete. His nickname is Boomer, well because he is fat. Plus, he once got gout. Seriously, gout? What is he, a pirate?


Charles Barkley, basketball
-Charles Barkley could do two things really well: Rebound and eat. Guess which one he's still doing lots of?


John Daly, golf
Seriously, take a look at that fucking gut. This guy takes shits that are worth more than your life and he is a fat pile of garbage. Seriously, do a google image search of John Daly and look at the first picture that comes up. This guy drinks beer like it's his sole fuel.


Greg Goldberg, hockey
-Goldberg, the Philadelphia native, was a force to the Mighty Ducks. Known for his flatulence and big saves ("big save Goldberg!"), this fat ass truly represents overweight athletes everywhere to his fullest. Of course, since he was fat, his team immediatly threw him in the net, hoping his gargantuan ass would stop all the shots. He has a pretty impressive resume too: he defeated the Hawks in the Pee-Wee Minnesota State Championship, led the Ducks to a Junior Goodwill Games gold medal (Julie the Cat only made one save, I don't care what you say) and then scored the game winning goal against the Varsity of Eden Hill in the annual JV-Varsity showdown. Don't ask me how a team can go from winning the gold medal in the Goodwill Games to playing JV at a high school academy because I don't know.


Babe Ruth, baseball
-The greatest fat man of all time. "The Babe", "The Great Bambino", "The Sultan of Swat", call him what you will but he is widely regarded as the greatest baseball player of all time. He never met a hot dog he didn't eat, a beer he didn't drink or a bitch he didn't fuck. And I'm sure about that.

Well that was rude

Dominik Hasek decides the best kind of save on a breakaway is one where you attempt to kill the player.



I say dirty (he got a two minute minor for tripping) but he's lucky not to have gotten a match penalty for intent to injure. What a little bitch. My favorite part is how Gaborik just kind of looks around like "what the fuck was that?"

Mike Vick is pretty screwed

My thoughts on the weekend that was.

Mike Vick...SEE YA!

This morning, U.S. District Judge Henry E. Hudson sentenced suspended Atlanta quarterback Mike Vick to 23 months in prison for running that dogfighting ring.

That means Vick will have to serve at least 80 percent of that time in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison, with no tackles to watch his "blind side".

I think this pretty much shoots his career to shit. What a waste of talent. Do you think Vick will ever play in the NFL again?

Making guarantees is a really bad idea

Steelers safety Anthony Smith guaranteed his team would beat the undefeated New England Patriots on Sunday. My first thought was "who the fuck is Anthony Smith?" Then my second thought was "man, that was real dumb."

Here's a shocker, unless you're totally awesome, don't make guarantees. I hate the Patriots, but it's looking more and more like they'll go undefeated. Plus when you make guarantees and you suck ass, you get burned for two long scoring throws as Smith did in the 34-13 Patriots win.

Plus, then Rodney Harrison will go all ballistic talking about how they don't get any respect. Shut the fuck up Rodney.

Tebow wins the Heisman

I say Tebow's official new nickname should be Tim "the Toolman" Tebow. I mean, look at the kid, he does look like a toolbox.

Plus he was home-schooled so I bet he's hella gay anyway.

The South Lake Union Transit is up and running

Not sports-related, but funny nonetheless. Seattle's streetcar system is now in service...but don't you think they could have named it something different? Because now everyone is calling it the SLUT for short.

Who will win the Heisman?

The four Heisman finalists have been announced-Arkansas RB Darren McFadden, Florida QB Tim Tebow, Missouri QB Chase Daniel and Hawaii QB Colt Brennan are the four finalists. My thoughts below.

Darren McFadden-The junior running back from Arkansas is certainly deserving of the finalist nod. McFadden was the runner-up to Ohio State QB Troy Smith last season. If you've seen McFadden play, he's arguably the biggest impact player on the Razorbacks team-he often times lines up behind center in the shotgun formation, taking snaps, executing fakes, running the ball and even passing it. He lagged early in the year, but tied the SEC record with 321 yards on the ground against Steve Spurrier's Gamecocks, and if anyone watched Arkansas's insant classic triple overtime winner against then-No.1 LSU, there's no doubt he was the best player on the field. McFadden finished with 206 yards and three rushing touchdowns, and also threw a touchdown pass.

I know some will argue McFadden is not even the best RB in the country, but the Heisman doesn't go to the player with the guadiest statistics-if it did, a Texas Tech quarterback would probably win every year, and Hawaii's former QB Timmy Chang would have so many Heisman's, he wouldn't be able to fit them all in his Canadian Football League locker. But, it goes to the best PLAYER in the nation-and that might be McFadden.

Tim Tebow-Florida's QB is looking to become the first sophomore to win the Heisman. Tebow ran for 838 yards and 22 touchdowns-SEC records. He is the nation's second-leading passer (3,132 yards, 29 TD's, 6 INT's) and is the first player for a major college to throw for 20 TD and run for 20 in the same season. And I still think the Tebow fake-run jump pass is the best play I've seen this season.

Chase Daniel-Guided Mizzou to a great season-but, as Don Heidelberg noted, they aren't in a BCS game. But, neither is Florida or Arkansas, so I don't know if I buy that argument. Daniel is one of six quarterbacks to reach 4,000 yards passing this year-he finished with 4,170 yards and 33 TDs. Had they not lost their last game against Oklahoma, the Tigers would be playing in the National Championship, not in the Cotton Bowl.

Colt Brennan-It's been quite a journey for Brennan-kicked off Colorado for rape allegations (dropped to lower charges), Brennan went to a junior college before becoming Hawaii's record setting quarterback. He led his team to a perfect 12-0 record and the Warrior's take on Georgia in the Sugar Bowl. He finished with 4,174 yards and 38 touchdowns on the season-setting major college record for career touchdown passes with 131.

Predictions:

Who'd I like to win: It'd be neat to see Tebow become the first sophomore to win. 20 TD's on the ground and 20 through the air is pretty impressive. Crazy to think its only his first year as a starter. He's the kind of dual threat UW fans hope Jake Locker becomes some day.

Who I think will win: I wouldn't be surprised if McFadden got the nod. Something just tells me he might walk out of New York with the famous statue.

Who I wish would have been a finalist: It's out there, but I think LSU's Glenn Dorsey, had he remained healthy, could have been a viable candidate of the non QB/RB ilk. If you've seen any LSU games, its obvious he's the best player on the field for both teams. His numbers aren't great-only because he's double and triple teamed. But a lineman winning college's greatest award? It's just not sexy enough to happen without an absolute stud tearing up college football...which is a shame. The last time a non QB/RB won was Charles Woodson in 1997. Leon Hart of Notre Dame was the last lineman to win the award...in 1949.

What do you think? Thoughts in the comments!

I hate you New England

Well, Baltimore, that was fun while it lasted.

The Ravens, who had the undefeated Patriots on the ropes actually stopped New England on fourth down, which would have won the game for Baltimore, but their defensive coordinator Rex Ryan called a sideline timeout. New England then proceeded to convert on another first down via a Raven's holding penalty in the end zone.

Brady hit Jabar Gaffney in the end zone on the next play, the decisive score in a 27-24 New England win. Oh and Bart Scott all but screwed the Ravens hope for good field position on the kickoff return by getting two 15 yard penalties-one for tossing an officials flag into the stands and another for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Although Mark Clayton did end the game catching a hail mary at about the Patriots one-yard line, it shouldn't have gotten that way.

Baltimore should have put this game away.

Bowl Crap Series and other ish

UPDATE: Paul Wulff has confirmed his interest in WSU's vacant head coaching job.

Ah, the BCS. We all love it. For sake of saving myself, and you the time reading a lengthy rant, I've just decided to do it short and sweet.

Look at the FCS playoffs and how many people get excited to watch those games at the small schools. Imagine a playoff system that would pit the best two teams at the end..you know, like any other sports. The athletes want to do it...they don't care that the season is prolonged. Teams like West Virginia, Kansas, Missouri, and yes, even Hawaii would have the chance to prove they deserve to play for the national title.

Erase the controversy.

Erase the BCS.